“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT)

Aparigraha, “non-attachment,” is the final aspect of Yama, and if I am honest, this is the one that I have had the hardest time developing both in my yoga practice and my Christian faith. It sneaks in everywhere! It may seem obvious that the more I attach myself to people, places, and things, the more I will be operating from a place of control and fear. But, isn’t that a normal human impulse? 

Yes, but therein lies the challenge. 

When I practice Aparigraha in my daily life, I see all the ways in which I am attached to expectations, hopes, perceived realities, selfishness, and negative narratives. 

Ouch! This one is everywhere. So let’s pick it apart.

Aparigraha in the Bible

The Bible instructs us to give up our attachment to possessions. In Luke 14, the original biblical text uses the Greek word uparchonta (ὑπάρχοντα), which is derived from huparchó. It refers to one’s existing property, resources, or “what you already have.” 

This is everything that can get in the way of our relationship with God. Not just physical possessions, but my social status and family roles, my gifts and abilities, my hobbies and passions, my goals and my past hurts. All of these can get in the way of Aparigraha, causing my vision to be clouded. And when that happens, my faith can be clouded as well. Because when I am attached to who I am in the world, I have already decided how God will show up in my life. Or what His path is for me. Or how He will use me.

“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)

Even more challenging is non-attachment to who I think God should and should not be in my life and the lives of my family. I become attached and assumptive about how my prayers will be answered, the opportunities He will give me and how He will give me the life I want based on my performance as His spiritual servant & daughter. My faith becomes a transaction, full of attachment and expectation. Aparigraha in my faith centers on receiving with open palms, without a list of outcomes. 

Aparigraha in Life

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4: 6-7 (NLT)

When there is attachment, there is a desire for control. When there is non-detachment, there is a tendency to develop an undercurrent of worry and fear. But Aparigraha helps me sit in peace with what is still unknown and out of my control.

Similarly, Luke 17:7-10 highlights that, like servants who do their duty without demanding special praise, as Jesus’s followers, we should not feel entitled to rewards for our actions, representing a detachment from recognition, outward validation, or human praise. Our contentment in these things comes from God.

I can only control who I am in the world, how much love I give, and how I sit in stillness through the storms that inevitably come. As a recovering codependent, the opinions of others have been my largest motivator and my largest fear. If I was The Good Girl, or performed in a way that anticipated everyone’s needs, then I could help to control how they saw me, which led to how they treated me. But this inevitably set me up for disappointment and hurt. People will let you down and treat you as a reflection of their own deficiencies, prejudices and hurt.

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” Lao Tzu

This is why attachment to outward validation is a trap. God’s opinion of how I live my life is the only one that matters, which is what Aparigraha reminds me to focus on. When I have peace in who I am, I know I am on the right track.

Aparigraha in Yoga

“If I practice daily, I will get more flexible.”

“If I study more, I will understand the scriptures and philosophy more easily, which will make it come more naturally.”

“If I attend X number of classes per week, I will get ‘good’ at yoga.”

These are the expectations in a physical yoga practice. A+B=C. We are looking for a map, something that will show us how to perfect something we are passionate about, which helps us feel in control.

But when you step on your mat, your attachments should stay outside with your cell phone and shoes. Today’s practice will look and feel how it will look and feel, not how you want it to. Or how someone on social media says it should look and feel. Your body may decide it needs more gentleness or tenderness. Your muscles may instruct you to dig deeper, hold longer, and find that new limit. Your breath may be slower and louder than you anticipated. You may need to surrender to rest in Child’s Pose more than you think.

Aparigraha in your physical yoga practice looks like letting go of how you assume yoga should feel and look, and just accepting what the poses are teaching you today, at this moment in time. I am not saying that physical goals are the enemy – but rather, the inflexibility that comes with attachment is counterintuitive to the yoga practice in and of itself.

Aparigraha in Relationships

Jesus taught and modeled Agape Love: a “selfless goodwill” which requires giving without expecting anything reciprocal in return, which challenges me to stop treating people and possessions as objects to be controlled through my own intentions or expectations. So when I look at my husband and my children, I cannot cling to what I want them to be in life.

In parenting, I accept that their lives are their own. So even though I have dreams of all they can do and be, that script is not mine to write. My hobbies may not necessarily be of interest to them. School may or may not be what they desire to pursue, nor the job I hope they will find satisfying. One of the biggest disservices I can do for my sons is expecting them to live their lives the way I think is best. Instead, my only job is to make space for them to discover who God made them to be and guide them in love, spiritual counsel, and encouragement. That’s it. The dreams I have for my children are irrelevant. I have to let them go.

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:31-32 (NLT)

Aparigraha in marriage is also letting go of anger, resentment, and bitterness. Sometimes, it feels justified to keep the score of how my heart has been hurt or let down. This is like drinking poison just because I am thirsty. 

I previously wrote about Asteya: Non-Stealing in marriage, and Aparigraha aids in letting go of hurts, expectations, and perceived future outcomes. Just like my children, I cannot determine what kind of husband my partner wants to be, or how he shows up. I can make requests, communicate my needs, and share my desires, but I have to practice non-attachment in how he responds, what he does and does not do, or how he shows intention. Again, just because I have decided what kind of marriage we will have, it doesn’t mean that this will come true. I can only take care of my side of the street and accept what I cannot control.

Think About It

Aparigaha can be applied to numerous ways in your life. Here are some questions for you to journal or reflect on to practice this part of the Yama in your spiritual and yoga lifestyle:

• What expectations do I have of my friends? Partner? Kids?
• If I am honest with myself, do I need more things to be happy and feel in control?
• How have I been disappointed because I was attached to an outcome? What was really in my control in this situation?
• What have I been holding onto that God has been whispering (or yelling!) for me to let go of? What fear is keeping me holding on instead of obeying?

End your meditation & journaling with faith declarations like:

“I trust God’s timing for my life.”

“I am being prepared, not left behind.”

“I release control and choose peace.”

Aparigraha isn’t a skill that teaches about letting go of only physical possessions. In many ways, that would be easier than non-attachment to intangible things – our personal story, our future hopes, our roles in the lives of those we love, our reputation. And as a reminder, God wants to meet you in the practice, in the moment, as yourself. It’s ok to let go, and let God.

I would love to hear how Aparigraha is being practiced in your own life? Your yoga practice and your Christian faith.

Leave a comment below to inspire others!