Our final day in Santiago de Compostela, Spain

“I trust the guidance I receive from my Higher Power and come to believe in my own capabilities.”

It was a day for art and culture, and preparing our hearts for the journey home. (Slight denial there for me.) We started in the musuem within the cathedral to learn the historical origins of the church and study the art from the 13th -4th century and the 16th to the 18th century. I felt completely washed from my Camino stench and slowly appreciated the Renaissance cloister, the royal pantheon, the relic chapel, & the chapter house. I snuck pictures under the disapproving glares of the museum staff, and watched from the balcony as the day’s pilgrims poured into the city for their finished journey.

No longer were we two pilgrims. Now, we were just two friends on a Spanish vacation. In 48 hours, this would all be a memory. We enjoyed quiet silences, not unlike the miles of the Camino, and I trusted that we were each working out our own way to end this trip in a meaningful way. Without regret or negativity. Without longing or expectations. I was anxious to get back to my children and husband, and I knew that D was heading home to a newly-single chapter of her life.

Today’s promise felt like the perfect bookend for the journey. CoDA Promise #11 reminds me that trust is the foundation of all faith: “I trust the guidance I receive from my Higher Power and come to believe in my own capabilities.”

I trusted my inclination to do this hard thing. I trusted my companion to plan anything and everything to bring us comfort in the unknown. I trusted my body to carry me mile after mile. I trusted God’s provision and protection along the way. I trusted my family with my sons. I trusted my husband’s support to leave it all behind and focus on myself in this way. I was not merely a wanderer; I was a guided child of God, with each step planned for and protected. Trust comes easy when I see life like this.

I loved “come to believe” as an action verb in today’s Promise. Coming to a conclusion. Arriving at a destination, in this case, a belief. Allowing the viewpoint of “then” versus “now.”

This also means that I have accepted myself in a new way. Perhaps in the most whole-way I have ever been able to. I have learned “to believe in my own capabilities.” I am tearfully in awe of what I was able to do. The bravery of the “yes,” even without forethought or experience. I am proud of my dedication to change and to growth, both physically and spiritually over the last 11 days. I am respectful and intentional of keeping these truths with me even after our plan departs tomorrow morning.

I want to put a solid boundary around these new truths taking root. Like any new seedling or sapling, tender care must be paid to ensure growth through all the seasons. The hail storms of doubt, the blistering heat of others’ perspectives, the drowning rain of busyness, the weeds of normalcy covering over this bright, beautiful new way to live.

A final pack of my things. Shirts, socks and pants tightly rolled in Army bundles. Four boxes of Portuguese chocolates, a magnet and small stone as gifts and momentos. No need to fill up the water bladder, look at the next day’s terrain or rebandage my feet. I touched each of my things, thanking them for their consistency and care.