“I gradually experience serenity, strength, and spiritual growth in my daily life.”

Adjusting back to life is jarring, even if the time away can be measured on both hands plus a few toes.

The plane ride was anything but dull, complete with a full-on sprint through the airport, pleading with fellow travelers to cut in line at customs, then run over .75 miles in the various airport tunnels to catch our connecting flight. This completely soaked the new outfit I bought in the Lisbon airport just a few hours prior. I had hoped to show up for my husband in newly scrubbed, freshly scented, and less like a vagabond, but that was not to be. Sweating through hot breath in overly-used masks, we found our seats and laughed at the ridiculous nature of this “ending.”

A permanent lump settled into my throat and grew tentacles down to my stomach the full flight back. I felt equal measures excited to be reunited with my family and tense about losing myself into the roles that awaited me. I wanted to convince myself that my new sense of self had boarded the plane with me.

If I had left scar tissue along the Atlantic on the way to the Portuguese Camino de Santiago, I wanted to make sure that I was keeping all the newly formed skin in tact on the way back over. I had one last promise to meditate on, and I used the 9+ hour flight to stay on track.

The 12th Promise of Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA) speaks directly to self-esteem and the inner peace that comes with recovery. Here’s the 12th promise:

“I gradually experience serenity, strength, and spiritual growth in my daily life.”

• Serenity comes from accepting myself as I am, without harsh self-judgment. I don’t have to attache myself to old patterns, old relationships, old habits because they are more comfortable. I need to constantly evaluate where I can grow and where I can settle.
• Strength develops as I trust my own feelings, needs, and boundaries. Boundaries are difficult for me, and even as I am writing this blog almost 4 years later, I can count the small wins and small defeats in that area. I no longer have to abandon myself to make others comfortable, and remembering that is half the battle.
• Spiritual growth often brings a deeper sense of self-worth—not based on others’ approval, but on my inherent value. The goal is to keep weighing my value against my intution, not the feedback of others, or comparison to their lives. God’s love will always be sufficient and if I use it as a marker for my love in others and myself, than I will never miss the mark.

This promise keeps me on the move:

• … from seeking validation from others → to feeling whole within yourself
• … from harsh inner criticism → to self-acceptance and self-compassion
• … from emotional chaos or dependency → to inner peace and resilience

I also loved the adverb chosen in this promise: gradually

This emphasizes progress over perfection, a cornerstone of any recovery program. It doesn’t have to be done all at once. The Camino showed me this. One foot in front of the other. One breath at a time. Once cobblestone after the next. Once Promise at a time. The measurement of my growth won’t be in any given 24 period. It will only be measured when I can look over my shoulder at the path that lay behind me and say, “Ah. I am doing it. I am doing it the best way I can.”

I won’t harm myself by expecting perfection, but rahter, cheer on every little moment of strength, curiosity, self-compassion, growth and serenity. While this may be my one and only Camino de Santiago, there will be another Caminos to come, I am sure.

Any path in life can be a spiritual pilgrimage with the right mindset, the right “why” and the right pair of shoes.

THANK YOU FOR BEING ON THIS LITERARY CAMINO WITH ME. I would love to hear about your own Camino stories, your “why” and any encouragement you felt along the way.