The first limb of yoga, Yama, is about restraints or observances. Biblically, these align with the Ten Commandments and feel rather like “common sense” or Integrity 101. But I want to dive into the more subtle meanings of non-harm in parenting and my self-perception, especially in a world that doesn’t seem to reflect this practice all the time.

I am a military spouse, daughter of a police officer, professor in academia, and mother of biracial children. This kaleidoscope of characters means that the current U.S. political reality is a sorrowful pit of pain for me right now. I watched my loved ones vote against my interests, against the interests of my children, me as a woman, my husband as an active-duty serviceman, and the country’s positive purpose. But even in that, I must choose Ahimsa.

The Yama in Yoga

The Yama is broken into five subcategories, and the first one is Ahimsa, meaning “non-harm.” At first glance, there is an obvious meaning that crosses all cultural, spiritual, and generational interpretations. We should live in a way that doesn’t actively harm ourselves or others. Right? But as I am combing through the Bible and hearing how God can use Ahimsa in my daily life, I have encountered the nuances of the meaning of “harm.”

Ahimsa in Parenting

Using ahimsa (non-violence) in daily life with my kids has become a powerful and compassionate approach to my parenting. It’s about more than just avoiding physical harm—it’s a whole mindset of kindness, patience, empathy, and respect. Here are practical ways to embody ahimsa with my sons:

Gentle Communication

• I stay aware not to use harsh words, even when I am frustrated. This can be hard when I feel like I am no longer in control of the situation, and my family of origin taught me that children were to be under the adults in all things.

• I try to use calm, respectful tones—especially in discipline. I have used child-directed consequences for a decade now, in which my sons can choose the appropriate consequence for the misstep they engaged in. This helps foster a sense of conversation, cause and effect, collaboration, and a sense of accountability without shame.

• I say things like: “I see you’re upset. Let’s figure this out together,” or “That must have been hard. I can understand why you’d be angry about it.” This doesn’t discount their feelings and lets them know that I am not trying to diminish their reality in a harmful way.

• I offer physical comfort—hugs, hand-holding, or just sitting nearby. My middle son doesn’t like this form of love language, so I try to adjust my offering to the way he feels loved and seen. It would be harmful to make him receive my love in a way that he isn’t comfortable with.

Model Non-Violence

• Kids learn by example. Show peaceful conflict resolution in your own life. I did a previous post about “The Responsibility of Repair” and how I model this with my kids and my husband. In this way, I am showing that you can argue without causing harm. And if there was harm, it can be repaired.

• If I make a mistake (like yelling), I apologize sincerely: “I’m sorry I yelled. I got frustrated, but I want to do better.”

Ahimsa for Myself

• Be kind in your mind. Your brain is your most powerful muscle, so how you speak to yourself becomes the loudest reality. Are you causing harm? Are you limiting yourself to old patterns or beliefs?

•  Don’t neglect your own needs—self-compassion is part of ahimsa. When you’re regulated, you can “human” more peacefully. How we treat others is often a reflection of how we feel about ourselves or how we have perceived our value in the eyes of others.

• Take breaks from friendships, partnerships, or situations that seem to be harming you to assess their impact. Sometimes, I stay loyal to old relationships out of respect for history, but the cost is respect for myself and my growth. I am not practicing Ahimsa if I constantly surround myself with people who do not love the current version of myself. It will be a constant tug-of-war into backsliding and hurtful self-doubt.

• Ahimsa means keeping a close eye on jealousy or envy. If you are in a steady stte of want or comparison, how does that harm your peace? How does it discount your current path or progress? If you are weighing your path against the paths of others, you are harming yourself. You likely didn’t have the same starting point, same tools at your discretion, same challenges, same cheering section or the same resources.

What Does the Bible Say About Ahimsa?

• Luke 6:31 ESV: “And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.”

• Romans 12:14 ESV: “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.”

• Ephesians 4:32 ESV: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

I must build a wall around myself with positive self-talk, affirmations, and a like-minded community. I cannot harm myself by replaying the atrocities that may or may not come while also trying to speak truth (Satya) to my kids about the reality facing scared Black, brown, and immigrant families.

God Whispers Ahimsa in the Midst of a Storm

In this move to Germany in late 2024, I was forced to uproot my life, and with that comes a violent tearing away from people, places, and things that helped identify my reflection. I thought God was harming us by moving our family suddenly overseas, but now, I am reminded that His plans are always the best ones, that happiness is a choice, and that Ahimsa is of God’s own heart.

In His perfect love, pain still occurs. Violence still occurs. Fear and destruction still occurs, and it will forever baffle my small human mind the “why” of it all. But time, and time again, if I choose Ahimsa in myself, my parenting and my yoga practice, I can be His hands and feet in a hurt and broken world. I can be the living testimony of Jesus’s compassion and tenderness in a world that is divisive, individualistic and selfish. Ahimsa is the way I can live yoga through my faith. And faith through my yoga.

Explore More

Ahimsa, or non-violence, doesn’t always mean we are harming others on purpose. But in yourself, what habits are you indulging in that you know are not for your best and highest good? In what areas are you overscheduling yourself to please others, at the price of your peace or goals? Looking in yourself in the mirror, how many critical thoughts are in your mind? How do you cheat yourself out of the future you want because you think you aren’t worthy?

This week, use your 5-minute journal time to explore your feelings and habits with these prompts:

• Am I harming myself in this relationship – identify it! – because I hope to …..
• Does my current group of friends bring my hope or harm?
• How has God been gentle and tender to me this week?

The next time you want to complain about an aspect of your life (your body, your job, your kids’ behavior, your partner, the traffic, etc) immediatley say ALOUD three things that are positive obout that subject, giving God gratitude.