Plan:  40.1 km / 24.91 miles from Pontevedra to Padrón

Pivot: Day of healing & transport by train to Padrón

“I learn that it is possible to mend – to become more loving, intimate and supportive. I have the choice of communicating with my family in a way which is safe for me and respectful of them.”

I could hardly sleep last night. The resolve to accept whatever decision my travelling companion made sat like pebbles of grief in my heart. I wouldn’t be walking a Pure Camino, as others have labeled it. A Pure Camino of only my legs as transport. When talking to my husband about the conflict, he asked, “What would be worse: crossing that finish line into Santiago alone, or giving up the pure pilgrimage and bussing the next day? Which would you have peace with?” And when I went to sleep, I knew that I wanted to preserve the image I had when we drunkenly hatched this plan on New Year’s Day – we would do this together. Surrendering to circumstances isn’t defeat; it is being honest. And honesty is always the best policy.

D found a train schedule, and we took the day to explore historical Pontevedra and rest our bodies. A chocolate croissant and hot chocolate in hand, we sat silently at a local park, each one hesitant to face the other. I wondered if this would be enough to heal her body & mindset, and she later communicated that she wondered whether I would hold resentment for the choice. Every blue Camino marker reminded us of our pivot towards healing and away from stubborn adherence to the original plan.

And today’s CoDA promise was the exact right thing. (Isn’t that always how God is? Delivering the right message to meditate on.)

“I learn that it is possible to mend – to become more loving, intimate, and supportive. I have the choice of communicating with my family in a way that is safe for me and respectful of them.”

Promise #8 was about accepting the hits in life as inevitable, but not sitting in the pain or discomfort. It was about the decision to mend – actively treat, seal, and heal the wound instead of letting it stay open, allowing infection and scarring to occur. It reminds me that relationships should be loving, intimate, and supportive. Not solely me doing those three things as a way to secure my relationships as permanent, as a way to be kept around. It was the promise that I needed today to remind me that I do have choices in how I communicate with my family and friends. Both can exist – honoring myself and respecting their ideas and perspectives as their own.

I sat in the Iglesia de San Bartolome and cried quiet tears, repairing myself in all the ways I had self-abandoned, and I was filled with gratitude for all the ways today’s CoDA promise would give me a new strength. It doesn’t have to be a “me or them” mindset. I can develop a trust that protects me and allows others to have their own reality, perspective, and opinions. I don’t need to let their water get in my boat. I don’t have to sink to keep others at the surface, or burn to keep others warm.

We explored the ruins of Santo Domingo before catching the train to Padrón. We found our way back to the basis of our friendship and chipped away at the icy exterior that conflict inevitably leaves. She had not asked much about my commitment to the CoDA Promises until this day, a choice I decided was more respectful than dismissive, and it was good to share with her what the day’s goal would be, both for myself and for my Promise #8. She, too, saw it as a gift from God. Sharing a faith with a travelling companion only makes the miles sweeter and the circumstances more meaningful.

Entering Padrón, we had a little bit of time to explore before we could check into Albergue & Rooms Murgadán, our final Camino hostel. I must note that almost all of the accommodations had been top-notch, and I was grateful for D’s planning and overthinking in choosing the beds on which we would rest our weary heads.

I can take little credit for the Camino reservations, being a more “Fly by the seat of your pants” kind of traveller. But given that COVID had wiped out many businesses and shuttered many doors, it was good to have peace of mind in a guaranteed stopping point. We saw many pilgrims along the Portuguese Central Route that came off the trail to inquire about an available room, only to be told “No Vacancy,” and they were forced to walk more miles to find a place to stay. That was not a fate my feet nor my spirit could have handled.

We indulged in dinner, wine, and the budding lights of the city as the sun began to set. We climbed the 132 stairs to reach Santiago do Monte de Padrón to the soundtrack of church bells. Like the history of Pontevedra, D had all the insight and research about the important heritage sites along our Portuguese route. The Santiago do Monte de Padrón was one of them. It dates back to the 3rd century and is the reported place of the death of the apostle James.

The Camino de Santiago is also called “The Way of St. James,” as the city was said to have been built around his remains, and as a martyr, Saint James is the patron saint of Spain.

James is also my favorite book of the Bible. I always say that if you want “Cliff’s Notes for Christians,” go to the book of James. It is direct, lacks historical and cultural judgment, translation gray areas, and it centers on the heart of Jesus’ teachings. Cliff’s Notes.

We sat on the benches and discussed our belief systems, views of the Church, and how God has revealed Himself on this journey. It was the intimacy that I have always appreciated about D, and how our friendship was the exact, right thing worth protecting in all of the struggle. Promise #8 was the exact right thing for today. In our codependency, we had found a way to heal. We found a way to respectful intimacy and loving care.

The difference between last night and this night could be measured in miles, shifts, and rainbows. We went to bed comfortable with ourselves, our choices, and each other. The noises of crowded bunk rooms on the other side of the wall lulled us to sleep. Upon waking, we were greeted by a film of fog covering the bridge, and we took our first steps of the final day on the Camino.